If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
