So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
