I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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