he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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