Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
