i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
