about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
