he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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