literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize