He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My vagina just recognized that song.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
