I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
