Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize