smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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