the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
