pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize