Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize