6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
