My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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