What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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