over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
