Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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