Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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