So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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