So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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