morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize