Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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