he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
