Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
