well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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