new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
