my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
