She is in my trunk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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