im about as happy as oj after his trial
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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