Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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