Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
