So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
