thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize