Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
