wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
