So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
