Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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