I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ladies don't puke and tell
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
