You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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