ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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