I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
