Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
