so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
