you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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