so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
