I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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