I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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