I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
