Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
