smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
