They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
