Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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