I'm jealous of your bromance
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
