Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Enjoy the penises
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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