wrigley field is MILF paradise
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize