Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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