You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize