it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
