Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
