why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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