Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
