1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
