I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
