I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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