All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize