My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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