i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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