so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
