TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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