If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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