Got a toothbrush?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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