I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
