ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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