in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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