I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
