Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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