I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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