it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
