a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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