He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
