And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
