i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
