so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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