a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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