Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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