So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
