Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
