I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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