I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
