I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
