u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
