i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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