omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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