Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
