Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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