he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize